Hello everyone. Nice to see you all. Yes, I realise it's been awhile. We do have so much to catch up on but obviously not right now because we aren't actually having a conversation, I'm just using a specific writing technique to appeal to you on a personal level so your interest levels will rise and you'll be more likely to finish reading this sentence- hey! Did you just open another tab while I was talking to you? Is that- wait, are you ignoring me to watch videos of small baby animals? Okay, granted, watching puppies roll over is a credible way to spend your time, but come on, don't you at least want to maybe finish this paragraph before you click away from my page? Aren't you the least bit curious as to why I've been completely absent from the internet for the better part of the month?
And you're looking at hardcore pornography. Very well. If you ever get sick of watching a dwarf climb in and out of an adult man's anus, I'll be here, waiting.
About a month ago, I was complaining a lot because a fuckton of not-so-amazing things decided it'd be fun to forecibly enter my life all at once, like a pornstar with ten dildos shoved in their ass (I was up late watching porn, shut up). This is just how life goes-when the shit hits the fan, it rarely sprays in one direction. It splatters everywhere, leaving you standing there, wiping the faecal matter away from your eyes as you try to conjure up fond memories of an easy, shit-free existence. Life fucks with us, but rarely do we remember that it's never one-on-one, consensually, in the missionary position. Life is a kinky bastard that calls up his friends and organises surprise sexual attacks from all directions, armed with stainless steel dildos, spiked buttplugs and sounding rods. Extended rape metaphor aside, the simple truth is, my personal life was in absolute shambles. Ultimately, this doesn't matter, as everything ended up turning out okay. Although I was kicked out of home and wrote off my car within the same month, I quickly found a place to rent conviniently located close to my uni, shops and public transport. At the moment, I am safe, secure and pretty content with how my life is progressing thus far.
However, there's a few things I should comment upon regarding moving out that genuinely surprised me. Especially in regards to sharing with friends. Honestly, at the moment, the biggest suprise is how much time I spend cleaning up. If I'm not picking something up and putting it back where it belongs, I'm sweeping the floor, wiping down counters, washing dishes, stacking dishes, drying dishes, scrubbing couches, mopping the bathroom floor, wiping down the shower, emptying out the leftovers we never ate from the fridge etc. Sometimes I feel like shoving a brush up my ass so I can just sweep as I go. Although I've done chores most of my life, the amount of time I need to put in to make sure I don't end up rotting in my own filth is astounding. I'd estimate that I spend an hour a day cleaning up at the very least, and if I don't, the house quickly starts to resemble the giant space trashball from Futurama. I'm not sure how three people can make a place so filthy, but I already have so much repect for dilligent mothers everywhere for managing to keep on top of everything a hell of a lot better than I do.
The other thing you have to watch out for when you gain independence is how you regulate your time. I'll admit it, because at the moment I have no real responsibilities, my routine is now getting up around 10AM and spending a few hours on reddit. BOOM, half the day is gone and bye bye productivity. The whole day has been sucked up into funny pictures of Nicholas Cage and bad puns. Throw in the nights I spend either out or too tired to function from being out the previous nights, and I am wasting a lot of potential for improvement. Could I probably have written a decent amount of short stories by now? Yes. Did I? No, because I was either drunk, tired or wasting time on the internet. The same goes for my room mates. I can't think of the last time any of us did something that actually contributed to society. Of course, I don't care what they do, as long as they help me clean. Fuck this house and how often it needs cleaning.
Getting the balance right in regards to household responsibilities is also difficult. I live in a house frequented by 18 year olds and while we're usually pretty good with this stuff, there's something about being around other teenagers that makes a person inherently lazy. Maybe it's the lack of parental pressure, maybe it's just the simple fact that no one likes touching plastic bags full of food scraps and used condoms, but whatever it is, it means certain stuff doesn't get done as soon as it should. This can sometimes create tensions. I'll admit, I can get a bit passive aggressive over whose turn it is to do the dishes. This is yet to result in an all-out war, but if anyone hears gunshots in St Lucia, don't panic, we're just trying to figure out who's supposed to be washing and drying tonight.
Having said all that, there's something pretty great about achieving your own independence. Turns out a lot of the stress in my life comes from parental pressure- remove the parents and it's no longer an issue. Without going into details, life suddenly become a lot more enjoyable when there isn't a constant source of tension present in the place you live. I know that personally, in the last three weeks, I haven't had one moment where I've felt like crap because of the people I've been forced to be around. Sure, sometimes I get frustrated over household duties and who's not doing them. That's a given. But when I get to come home to people who will have a fancy dinner with me on Valentines Day because we all live too far away from our SOs to do anything, or who will get drunk and watch musicals with me any night of the week, or who will even take care of me when I'm sick and hungover I can't get off the couch... it's very worth it.
In closing, although this whole journey began with a clusterfuck of badly timed stressful events, it has ended on a rather positive note and I can only see things getting better from here. My first lecture is tomorrow and I am excited to continue this pathway towards achieving true independence. I still have a fuckload to learn, like how to get dried weetbix off bowls and how to drink in the shower without severely diluting my alcohol. But this will all come in time... and what a great time it is going to be.
