In a world that seems to thrive on creating false images for its citizens to aspire to, there is nothing more important than developing a sense of honesty. It should be simple enough- as children, we are taught that lying is wrong and that dishonesty will always be punished. But, that particular lesson never seems to stick, as when we grow up, we realise a harsh truth about the world; self preservation nearly always overrules a person's ethical code. And honestly, it really isn't surprising that so many people are driven to lie about themselves. While you're spoon fed ideas of tolerance and understanding from the moment you're able to talk, it's not enough to combat the insanely judgmental nature of the human race. Whether this behavior is residual from our tribal days where all social interactions were based around resource efficiency and finding a healthy mate or because the human race is a bunch of self-absorbed -pricks is irrelevant. Basically, we are in an environment where any wrong move could cost us the respect of our peers. As I said before, with that kind of pressure, no wonder we're driven to lie.
I doubt many people can say they've been 100% honest throughout their entire life. I know I certainly can't. In fact, my almost confessional style of brutal honesty has really only taken hold in the last two or so years, and I still wouldn't say I tell most people everything. It used to be worse- when I was younger, a lot more insecure and extremely depressed, I'd make up all sorts of reasons for people to leave me alone. Sometimes, it was reasons for me to be thought of as less pathetic than I actually was. I still remember a time in primary school where suddenly, all my friends had boyfriends (okay, I'm trying to stray away from using brackets any more because it interrupts the flow of my writing- thank you to the person that told me that- but seriously, come on. Having a boyfriend at age eleven is like a baby holding a pack of cigarettes and a bottle of Jack Daniels, they think it makes them look cooler, but we know they have no idea what they're doing). Of course, my reaction to this as a socially awkward nerd girl who no one wanted to date because she was taller than everyone else was to make up a boyfriend who occasionally bought me cheap trinkets suspiciously similar to those you could pick up at Kingscliff markets for under ten bucks. Unsurprisingly, no one bought this crock of bullshit I was offering up, so I resigned myself to being the butt-ugly nerdling that would never, ever possibly be desirable to the opposite gender. This, along with other incidents such as the time where my best friend told the first boy I ever had a crush on I liked him and his friends chased me around the playground all lunchtime heckling me until I burst into tears and hid under some playground equipment, or the frequent times where boys and girls would walk up and call me ugly seemingly randomly, almost scarred me for life romantically. However, as no teenager will ever realise until they've almost finished with being one, these things get better with time, getting puberty done with and learning how to apply make-up correctly (or if you're a boy, giving up on that pathetic scraggly bit of bum fluff hanging off your chin and going for a clean-shaven look). So, while I'm probably never going to be comfortable with accepting compliments on my personal appearance and will nearly always act incredibly awkward around those I fancy, I know I'm not a troll-faced harridan doomed to the life of a maiden aunt. Anyway, the reason why I just unleashed all these embarrassing stories upon you readers is to stress how easy it is to hide these horrible moments deep within your past and just pretend you've been cool, confident and mistake-free from birth. Don't want someone to know that you once vomited so hard from alcohol poisoning that you peed your pants? Just don't say anything about it. It's very simple.
However, I don't like this particular approach. I never have, as it means you start out in your personal relationships on very uneven footing, just waiting for some embarrassing detail to slip out and trip you up into an entanglement of social faux paus. And it will always happen, because unfortunately, most people that you confide in will one day let you down and tell someone something they shouldn't. The way I see it, if you're upfront about everything at the start, there's less risk of something turning around to bite you on the ass later. No one can talk about something behind your back if everyone already knows. However, this doesn't mean you should ever take it upon yourself to blurt out something someone's told you in confidence. Complete trust is a rare and wonderful thing and all too easily ruined forever. I don't trust many people because I'm naturally cynical, but when I do, I prize it over almost all else, except maybe having others trust me in the same way.
Recently, I was drunkenly burbling on about this kind of honesty, and a person who I rarely speak to any more because of personal differences seemed to take offence to what I was saying. I don't remember too clearly what happened, as a drunken haze had fallen over my brain, but it sounded like they were saying my idea of honesty is selfish because it has the potential to hurt people. I would like to clarify one area where I don't think brutal honest is necessary- where the act of being honest is just going to result in someone being extremely emotionally damaged without any sort of gain. As the cartoon rabbits said in Bambi, "if you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all", unless someone's actually asking you for constructive criticism or said person is not getting the extremely obvious hints you've been dropping and needs to be told point blank to fuck off. If you're using your perception of honesty and truth to hurt others, I feel sorry for you, because that's a sad little existence you must lead. I remember what it's like to feel that sort of insecurity and truly feel sorry for you. However, it's never too late to wake up to your own dickish behavior and change for the better.
I've always found myself trying to surround myself with people who believe in this type of honesty, as it's a welcome release from the constant bombardment of lies targeted at us by our modern culture. To have the ability to be genuine with the people you care about is probably something I'd view as one of the most important aspects of life, as if you can't bring yourself to show who you are to the people who are least likely to abandon you, you have some serious insecurities indeed. If I can tell a bunch of strangers on the internet that when I was fifteen, a guy I liked rejected me without even knowing I liked him and it made me cry on the floor all night, you can tell your friends that you once made a homemade enema out of a shower head, or whatever it is you kids get up to these days. Being embarrassed about your past is counterproductive, as there's nothing you can do to change it. It's better to be able to express your finer failings to others, as it's much easier to get over these things when other people are laughing with you.
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