Me when I'm pretending to know what I'm doing.
As I gradually wade my way out of the kiddie pool that was my pre-university life and get ready to plunge off the high diving board into adulthood, I've been having a surprisingly amount of revelations. While I do pride myself on being more insightful than most (and more egotistical. Seriously, have you counted the amount of times I praise myself throughout these blogs? I'm a piece of shit, guys, but you knew that already), the sheer amount of little but revealing thoughts that have bounced through my brain as I've transitioned from snotty teenage brat that doesn't do anything to handsome, cool adult that knows how to do their own laundry is astounding. Every day makes me feel like I've learnt yet another valuable lesson, and it has nothing to do with my uni attendance (tip: it's non-existent if I'm hungover).
The most recent lesson I've experienced has a lot to do with my observance of the human race. Have you ever tried sitting down and really, truly focusing on the billions of people that pass you by? You notice some lodd things, like mothers keeping their children on leashes, beautiful men with ugly wives and people who still think tribal tattoos are cool (they are not). What's more odd is how we let our perceived judgment by other people rules our entire lives. Take, for example, other university students. Growing up as a little, buck-toothed social outcast, I always saw university as this huge wonderland where I could fa ally find like-minded people and ascend to the level of greatness I was always destined for. I would finally get to learn things I actually found interesting. I wouldn't have to associate with anyone I wouldn't want to. I'd happily find some groups to belong to (okay, just as a side note, I've started visibly wincing every single time I have to utter that godforsaken world. This is what HSC Advanced English does to a person. It destroys the ability to use the term "belonging" without experiencing post traumatic stress). However, this is what I've learned from a grand total of eight weeks at university:
Everyone is just as bitchy. You will feel like just as much of an outcast. It's the same parade of bullshit as high school, except with the added bonus of all the assholes being a lot more intelligent.
Take, for example, the UQ confession page. You would think that university students, who have spent a lot of time and money on furthering their education, would be above incessant playground gossip and cat-calling. However, apparently this assumption is unreasonable and most UQ students are the emotional equivalent of a five year old sticking their fingers in their ears and yelling "NYAH NYAH NYAH". Honestly, while there are a few gems here and there, the contents mainly consist of:
a) copy pastas.
b) failed attempts at green text.
c) engineering students bragging about how much better they are than other degrees, especially Bachelor of Arts.
d) art students complaining about the engineering students.
e) engineering students getting hurt feelings because they're being stereotyped as socially-inept jerks (I wonder why).
f) Rampant objectifying other students as sex objects (but hey, with some of the eye candy around this uni, it's hard not to).
g) The done-to-death mocking and defending of the whole gender studies debacle, which honestly, should have been well and truly over and done with a few weeks ago.
I was tempted to unsubscribe from the page, as I don't really need that sort of negativity in my life, but it's like watching a train crash in slow motion. You just can't look away. And because it's a university Confessions page, it is so much more intriguing than teenage pages like old, faithful Murbah Goss (with gems like "so and so got their munt licked out by a Labrador", how could one justify not reading it?). But the point is, from this page alone, it is painfully obvious that all the bullshit from high school never really fades away. People still assume their subjects are better than anyone else's. People still get overly self righteous about thinking their subject is better than anyone else's. Everyone's still obsessed with working out, having sex and the quality of faculty toilets. And all this is coupled with the crushing realization that you are no better than anyone else. You may used to think you were some sort of special snowflake, but you are actually as painfully average as everyone else wandering around campus. There will always be someone smarter. Someone thinner. Someone who will repeatedly beat you at Mario Kart. Someone more determined. It's just a fact of life.
And this, dear reader, is what brings me back to the quote on the title of this blog. "Trying is the first step towards failure". The single wisest thing I've ever heard Homer Simpson say, and for an idiot, he says a lot of pretty intelligent things. The fact of the matter is, in order to give something your best shot, you have to be prepared to face a lot of setbacks. For example, going to university- very few people are brilliant at it straight away. I know so many intelligent people who went to university and only got passes their first year, including my own father, who now has a Phd. To be successful, you have to be willing to try different methods, accept that some of them will fail you and find what works. I have never classed myself at successful at anything other than failing. I succeed at failing because instead of giving up when I fail, I know I can try something else. There is no be-all and end-all unless I allow myself to think that way. The world is full of possibility, and most of it walks hand in hand with favor.
So, in short, whatever you do in life, you are courting failure. There will always be someone that is better than you. It's one of those things that just is, and never changes. However, this is not an excuse to put your life aside. While this should make everything seem that more pointless, the fact of the matter is, you make your own point. You decide what the meaning of your own life is by trying things out. And if you try and fail, so what? You at least gave it a go. Only you know what you can and can't do. There's honestly no shame in failure as long as you don't let it defeat you. Fuck failing and fuck listening to all the negativity from the people around you. They live their lives, you live yours and you're the only one that will be dealing with the consequences.
Everyone is just as bitchy. You will feel like just as much of an outcast. It's the same parade of bullshit as high school, except with the added bonus of all the assholes being a lot more intelligent.
I feel your pain, Fozzie.
Take, for example, the UQ confession page. You would think that university students, who have spent a lot of time and money on furthering their education, would be above incessant playground gossip and cat-calling. However, apparently this assumption is unreasonable and most UQ students are the emotional equivalent of a five year old sticking their fingers in their ears and yelling "NYAH NYAH NYAH". Honestly, while there are a few gems here and there, the contents mainly consist of:
a) copy pastas.
b) failed attempts at green text.
c) engineering students bragging about how much better they are than other degrees, especially Bachelor of Arts.
d) art students complaining about the engineering students.
e) engineering students getting hurt feelings because they're being stereotyped as socially-inept jerks (I wonder why).
f) Rampant objectifying other students as sex objects (but hey, with some of the eye candy around this uni, it's hard not to).
g) The done-to-death mocking and defending of the whole gender studies debacle, which honestly, should have been well and truly over and done with a few weeks ago.
MFW I read anything on UQ Confessions other than a Loch Ness Monster joke.
I was tempted to unsubscribe from the page, as I don't really need that sort of negativity in my life, but it's like watching a train crash in slow motion. You just can't look away. And because it's a university Confessions page, it is so much more intriguing than teenage pages like old, faithful Murbah Goss (with gems like "so and so got their munt licked out by a Labrador", how could one justify not reading it?). But the point is, from this page alone, it is painfully obvious that all the bullshit from high school never really fades away. People still assume their subjects are better than anyone else's. People still get overly self righteous about thinking their subject is better than anyone else's. Everyone's still obsessed with working out, having sex and the quality of faculty toilets. And all this is coupled with the crushing realization that you are no better than anyone else. You may used to think you were some sort of special snowflake, but you are actually as painfully average as everyone else wandering around campus. There will always be someone smarter. Someone thinner. Someone who will repeatedly beat you at Mario Kart. Someone more determined. It's just a fact of life.
And of course, when you try to prove you're good at something to someone, you fuck up.
And this, dear reader, is what brings me back to the quote on the title of this blog. "Trying is the first step towards failure". The single wisest thing I've ever heard Homer Simpson say, and for an idiot, he says a lot of pretty intelligent things. The fact of the matter is, in order to give something your best shot, you have to be prepared to face a lot of setbacks. For example, going to university- very few people are brilliant at it straight away. I know so many intelligent people who went to university and only got passes their first year, including my own father, who now has a Phd. To be successful, you have to be willing to try different methods, accept that some of them will fail you and find what works. I have never classed myself at successful at anything other than failing. I succeed at failing because instead of giving up when I fail, I know I can try something else. There is no be-all and end-all unless I allow myself to think that way. The world is full of possibility, and most of it walks hand in hand with favor.
So, in short, whatever you do in life, you are courting failure. There will always be someone that is better than you. It's one of those things that just is, and never changes. However, this is not an excuse to put your life aside. While this should make everything seem that more pointless, the fact of the matter is, you make your own point. You decide what the meaning of your own life is by trying things out. And if you try and fail, so what? You at least gave it a go. Only you know what you can and can't do. There's honestly no shame in failure as long as you don't let it defeat you. Fuck failing and fuck listening to all the negativity from the people around you. They live their lives, you live yours and you're the only one that will be dealing with the consequences.
And fuck you, UQConfessions.
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